A Glimpse into Labor & Delivery

Oakley

This girl already has a special place in all of our hearts.

One day I will look back and want to remember that day... It has taken me almost 7 months to want to remember how it all went and whether or not I should share it. 

The plan up until the day of her birth was to go to the hospital when contractions were 5 minutes apart for an hour.  Ha ha ha.  I'm not sure why I ever spent time worrying about this.  2nd baby and still had to get induced to get her here... THANK YOU MODERN MEDICINE!!!  Of course, this time we were smart and decided to keep the induction as much to ourselves as possible.  I was pretty bummed to not have the surprise when we had Tatum.  Anyway...on to the big day...

We were told to be at the hospital at 9AM to get everything started... I couldn't sleep so that wouldn't be a problem.  We had a sitter all set up for Tatum, who was going to meet us at the hospital, and who would be in the labor/delivery room.  It seemed too perfect of a plan, the surprise was getting a call at 7AM that they would need us to get there as early as possible unless we wanted to be bumped (haha pregnancy humor) to a later time.

We got to the hospital at 8:30AM and were so blessed to have our sitter for Tatum already at the hospital.  So thankful for that small miracle.  So, on with the plan right.. based on what happened with my 1st pregnancies rough and long delivery and how rough this pregnancy had been, I NEEDED it to be as stress free and relaxing as possible so I could focus on my body.    I had this list of things I needed to remember to do.  Looked something like this...

• Turn on TV to distract and relax (1st baby I didn't turn on the TV until the last 3 hours of deliver...oops). 
• Only me, Dave, and my mom/doula in the delivery room.
• Don't tell anyone beyond necessary until baby is here, we have had time to enjoy, and Tatum is coming to meet her sister first!  
• No unneeded or stressful people in room or waiting room.  After a lot of learning, I figured out that having family and friends in the waiting room was a little stressful and after 23 hours of labor, it wasn't what I wanted this time.  All about what my body needs this time around. It totally helped!!
• Get up and walk/move around as much as possible before epidural and after the baby is here.  I don't know how many of you have ever watched the video of the super pregnant lady dancing while in labor, yeah that's what I wanted to do.  I was hoping it would help, it was at least a distraction.  ☺

Well, I'll skim over the boring waiting part, 10AM I finally got the IV to get labor going. 

1PM the doctor broke my water (nothing new). Contractions continued to get closer and stronger.  

4PM, I asked for the epidural, contractions were enough to bring me to tears.  I have since learned that even with all the prep of what I thought would help, it wasn't enough.  I wasn't able to relax my body enough to let it do what it needed to do.  Epidural to the rescue!!   My nurse at this time was stinkin amazing!!  She came in right away and we started what she called "Active Labor."  Even though I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, I was moving more than I had since they put the IV in.  

The Epidural Zen and after 6 hours without any progress.  This only lasted in between the contractions when my mom was telling me to focus on my happy place. :)  I would have a baby 3 hours after this.  So thankful for Epidurals!!  They work for me!

At 6PM, I was told my body was ready but the baby wasn't close enough to being ready. 

6:40PM - Doctor was called and came in to deliver.  Nursery was called to be ready, this was what threw my plan out the window.  I'll save you the details, but it meant she would need to be rushed to the warmed as soon as she came out so they could suction out her airways before her first breath and daddy wouldn't be able to cut the cord.  

6:50PM - Started pushing, I started losing color and my mind started going fuzzy every time I would push and we had to breathe through a contraction to get enough oxygen to me and the baby.  Nurse threw the oxygen mask on me to keep heart rates and oxygen up.  

7:06PM Baby Oakley was born and was ready to breathe so Doctor had to clean out her airways before her first breath then let Dad cut the cord quickly (woohoo) and rushed her to the warmer to get her cleaned up.   After weighing, measuring, and wrapping her up, Dave got to hold her for the first time while Jessica was still on Oxygen. 

Proud daddy!

Less than an hour old and I thought I had missed out on that first moments with her but we soon found out she had a hard time keeping her body temperature up and would need to spend a lot of skin-to-skin time with her mommy.  I will need this reminder when I have to tell Oakley why she never got Newborn pictures and her older sister did.  All that cute hair but we were more worried about her health than the pictures.  Glad we could still get a few good ones!!

I was so anxious to hold my baby!!  I didn't get to hold her until some time after she was born because she was taken straight to the nurses to make sure she didn't breathe in any bad stuff in her first breathe. Doctor thought she would have time to hand her over to the nursery but ended up having to do it herself because Oakley was ready to breathe.  

No way I was looking at the camera when I just spent 9 hours working to get this little girl here!  

Oakley was introduced to her new sister just before 8PM.  I was so worried about how she would take having mommy's attention split.

After many months of practicing with baby dolls, Tatum was nervous around this new baby.

Officially a Family of Four.  

First thing Dave does with each new baby, count their fingers and toes.  I think it's his way of grasping reality of the new baby. :)

It was a rough 9 months, but she was finally home and thanks mom for spending your birthday with us all day in the hospital.  I'm sure we didn't feed you well enough but so glad you were there to help us get this bundle of joy here! When people say that each pregnancy is different, I completely agree!  I think mine were opposites.  Pregnancy with Tatum was mostly bearable, long labor/delivery, long recovery.  Pregnancy with Oakley was miserable the entire 9 months, shorter labor/delivery, and shorter recovery.  So thankful for this little girl, it was a rough road getting her here but so glad she is part of our little family.

Already best friends!

Control

This is my long and boring action I am taking.  I have control over my own thoughts, images, and actions! If you are offended by personal stories or struggles.... STOP, back away and don't read this... I write my feelings and right now I am hurt and feel betrayed so I am going to write about it.☺ Here's hoping we find a good medium that we can all live with before the year is over. This is my Christmas wish for this year, to put the past behind us and move forward trying to be better. There are trials to get through and there are trials to get over... this one might just be a get through and try to live with the results whatever they may be.  

Control is a weird thing; some want to control people and others want to control a situation.  I am in no way an expert, but I have been around one type of control for the past decade and am just starting to take the steps to find a solution.  The whole, "just let it go, they'll never change" is a bunch of lies itself.  Enabling the abuse isn't going to help you, them, or the future generations.  So below I outlined the 5 steps I am hoping will help in my current situation.  My last straw broke when I had one of those "supporters" confront me with the lies they had been told were true and then luckily they found out part of the truth once I showed them the proof and they could confirm some of it.  Sadly, right before this happened, my kids were dragged into the guilt that comes with this.  I may have been hurt from the last 10 years of this kind of treatment but when it starts affecting my kids, you've crossed the line!!  I am quite the Mama Bear!!

The way I see it, those that want to control people can do it with manipulation, spreading lies, or letting you think they have the choice but then shooting down all your ideas until it's ultimately theirs.  Whatever happened to letting people have true free agency.  Spread a little love and compromise.

As parents, when we're raising our kids and they are too young to decide for themselves, it's natural for us to be "controlling" in a way.  But when does that stop?  When they are 8, the age of accountability?  Or 25 when they have a family of their own and are now supposed to come to you for advice and wisdom but then make their own decisions?  I know I am not grown up and I still have many questions and needs for my parents.  The hard part is realizing you have to make your own decisions and you also have to accept the consequences.

How do you help those that try to control you?  Does it help them or you to give in and let them go about continuing to lie about you or talk back about you behind your back?  Is that good for your kids to be around that and to continue telling them, "oh that's just [so and so], they won't ever change so we just have to let it go."

This is how I'm responding...

These are my 5 steps I want to address with the person in my life with control issues.  I am no expert and have never claimed to be but as of a week or so ago, my girls and I will not be visiting this person on the holidays like we normally would.  I want change and I want my girls to be protected from the same hurt that has been caused by this person....

1. Acknowledge that controlling others by spreading lies is NOT the answer. 
2. No talking bad about us or our kids behind our backs and especially NOT in front of our kids. (Example - telling me that you are "disappointed" that we aren't coming over on a holiday...IN FRONT OF OUR GIRLS will not be happening again!!) 
3. Invitations are always welcome and are a great way to communicate your interest in our presence.  Assuming we will be at your house for all holidays is not how we are going to raise our family.  If you want to see us or our kids, call or text us and we can talk about a time that works for all of us to come to our home or yours.  We will do the same. 
4. If you feel the need to lie about us or our kids, pick up the phone and call us to ask how we are doing or our kids.  Don't lie when you don't know the answer!!  We will do the same.  Communication is a two way street.   (Example - you got to choose how to tell family and friends about the birth of your children, we get to choose how and WHEN to tell people just the same.)
5. When we tell you what we can do, don't argue.  Our kids are our responsibility and with that, we will be making the decisions.  We will come to you for advice or wisdom if needed and please share any you think may be helpful.    (Example - if we say we can't do dishes by 9AM when you want them done, then do them yourself.  We have the right to make our own decisions and know our own abilities.)