A Glimpse into Labor & Delivery

Oakley

This girl already has a special place in all of our hearts.

One day I will look back and want to remember that day... It has taken me almost 7 months to want to remember how it all went and whether or not I should share it. 

The plan up until the day of her birth was to go to the hospital when contractions were 5 minutes apart for an hour.  Ha ha ha.  I'm not sure why I ever spent time worrying about this.  2nd baby and still had to get induced to get her here... THANK YOU MODERN MEDICINE!!!  Of course, this time we were smart and decided to keep the induction as much to ourselves as possible.  I was pretty bummed to not have the surprise when we had Tatum.  Anyway...on to the big day...

We were told to be at the hospital at 9AM to get everything started... I couldn't sleep so that wouldn't be a problem.  We had a sitter all set up for Tatum, who was going to meet us at the hospital, and who would be in the labor/delivery room.  It seemed too perfect of a plan, the surprise was getting a call at 7AM that they would need us to get there as early as possible unless we wanted to be bumped (haha pregnancy humor) to a later time.

We got to the hospital at 8:30AM and were so blessed to have our sitter for Tatum already at the hospital.  So thankful for that small miracle.  So, on with the plan right.. based on what happened with my 1st pregnancies rough and long delivery and how rough this pregnancy had been, I NEEDED it to be as stress free and relaxing as possible so I could focus on my body.    I had this list of things I needed to remember to do.  Looked something like this...

• Turn on TV to distract and relax (1st baby I didn't turn on the TV until the last 3 hours of deliver...oops). 
• Only me, Dave, and my mom/doula in the delivery room.
• Don't tell anyone beyond necessary until baby is here, we have had time to enjoy, and Tatum is coming to meet her sister first!  
• No unneeded or stressful people in room or waiting room.  After a lot of learning, I figured out that having family and friends in the waiting room was a little stressful and after 23 hours of labor, it wasn't what I wanted this time.  All about what my body needs this time around. It totally helped!!
• Get up and walk/move around as much as possible before epidural and after the baby is here.  I don't know how many of you have ever watched the video of the super pregnant lady dancing while in labor, yeah that's what I wanted to do.  I was hoping it would help, it was at least a distraction.  ☺

Well, I'll skim over the boring waiting part, 10AM I finally got the IV to get labor going. 

1PM the doctor broke my water (nothing new). Contractions continued to get closer and stronger.  

4PM, I asked for the epidural, contractions were enough to bring me to tears.  I have since learned that even with all the prep of what I thought would help, it wasn't enough.  I wasn't able to relax my body enough to let it do what it needed to do.  Epidural to the rescue!!   My nurse at this time was stinkin amazing!!  She came in right away and we started what she called "Active Labor."  Even though I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, I was moving more than I had since they put the IV in.  

The Epidural Zen and after 6 hours without any progress.  This only lasted in between the contractions when my mom was telling me to focus on my happy place. :)  I would have a baby 3 hours after this.  So thankful for Epidurals!!  They work for me!

At 6PM, I was told my body was ready but the baby wasn't close enough to being ready. 

6:40PM - Doctor was called and came in to deliver.  Nursery was called to be ready, this was what threw my plan out the window.  I'll save you the details, but it meant she would need to be rushed to the warmed as soon as she came out so they could suction out her airways before her first breath and daddy wouldn't be able to cut the cord.  

6:50PM - Started pushing, I started losing color and my mind started going fuzzy every time I would push and we had to breathe through a contraction to get enough oxygen to me and the baby.  Nurse threw the oxygen mask on me to keep heart rates and oxygen up.  

7:06PM Baby Oakley was born and was ready to breathe so Doctor had to clean out her airways before her first breath then let Dad cut the cord quickly (woohoo) and rushed her to the warmer to get her cleaned up.   After weighing, measuring, and wrapping her up, Dave got to hold her for the first time while Jessica was still on Oxygen. 

Proud daddy!

Less than an hour old and I thought I had missed out on that first moments with her but we soon found out she had a hard time keeping her body temperature up and would need to spend a lot of skin-to-skin time with her mommy.  I will need this reminder when I have to tell Oakley why she never got Newborn pictures and her older sister did.  All that cute hair but we were more worried about her health than the pictures.  Glad we could still get a few good ones!!

I was so anxious to hold my baby!!  I didn't get to hold her until some time after she was born because she was taken straight to the nurses to make sure she didn't breathe in any bad stuff in her first breathe. Doctor thought she would have time to hand her over to the nursery but ended up having to do it herself because Oakley was ready to breathe.  

No way I was looking at the camera when I just spent 9 hours working to get this little girl here!  

Oakley was introduced to her new sister just before 8PM.  I was so worried about how she would take having mommy's attention split.

After many months of practicing with baby dolls, Tatum was nervous around this new baby.

Officially a Family of Four.  

First thing Dave does with each new baby, count their fingers and toes.  I think it's his way of grasping reality of the new baby. :)

It was a rough 9 months, but she was finally home and thanks mom for spending your birthday with us all day in the hospital.  I'm sure we didn't feed you well enough but so glad you were there to help us get this bundle of joy here! When people say that each pregnancy is different, I completely agree!  I think mine were opposites.  Pregnancy with Tatum was mostly bearable, long labor/delivery, long recovery.  Pregnancy with Oakley was miserable the entire 9 months, shorter labor/delivery, and shorter recovery.  So thankful for this little girl, it was a rough road getting her here but so glad she is part of our little family.

Already best friends!

Control

This is my long and boring action I am taking.  I have control over my own thoughts, images, and actions! If you are offended by personal stories or struggles.... STOP, back away and don't read this... I write my feelings and right now I am hurt and feel betrayed so I am going to write about it.☺ Here's hoping we find a good medium that we can all live with before the year is over. This is my Christmas wish for this year, to put the past behind us and move forward trying to be better. There are trials to get through and there are trials to get over... this one might just be a get through and try to live with the results whatever they may be.  

Control is a weird thing; some want to control people and others want to control a situation.  I am in no way an expert, but I have been around one type of control for the past decade and am just starting to take the steps to find a solution.  The whole, "just let it go, they'll never change" is a bunch of lies itself.  Enabling the abuse isn't going to help you, them, or the future generations.  So below I outlined the 5 steps I am hoping will help in my current situation.  My last straw broke when I had one of those "supporters" confront me with the lies they had been told were true and then luckily they found out part of the truth once I showed them the proof and they could confirm some of it.  Sadly, right before this happened, my kids were dragged into the guilt that comes with this.  I may have been hurt from the last 10 years of this kind of treatment but when it starts affecting my kids, you've crossed the line!!  I am quite the Mama Bear!!

The way I see it, those that want to control people can do it with manipulation, spreading lies, or letting you think they have the choice but then shooting down all your ideas until it's ultimately theirs.  Whatever happened to letting people have true free agency.  Spread a little love and compromise.

As parents, when we're raising our kids and they are too young to decide for themselves, it's natural for us to be "controlling" in a way.  But when does that stop?  When they are 8, the age of accountability?  Or 25 when they have a family of their own and are now supposed to come to you for advice and wisdom but then make their own decisions?  I know I am not grown up and I still have many questions and needs for my parents.  The hard part is realizing you have to make your own decisions and you also have to accept the consequences.

How do you help those that try to control you?  Does it help them or you to give in and let them go about continuing to lie about you or talk back about you behind your back?  Is that good for your kids to be around that and to continue telling them, "oh that's just [so and so], they won't ever change so we just have to let it go."

This is how I'm responding...

These are my 5 steps I want to address with the person in my life with control issues.  I am no expert and have never claimed to be but as of a week or so ago, my girls and I will not be visiting this person on the holidays like we normally would.  I want change and I want my girls to be protected from the same hurt that has been caused by this person....

1. Acknowledge that controlling others by spreading lies is NOT the answer. 
2. No talking bad about us or our kids behind our backs and especially NOT in front of our kids. (Example - telling me that you are "disappointed" that we aren't coming over on a holiday...IN FRONT OF OUR GIRLS will not be happening again!!) 
3. Invitations are always welcome and are a great way to communicate your interest in our presence.  Assuming we will be at your house for all holidays is not how we are going to raise our family.  If you want to see us or our kids, call or text us and we can talk about a time that works for all of us to come to our home or yours.  We will do the same. 
4. If you feel the need to lie about us or our kids, pick up the phone and call us to ask how we are doing or our kids.  Don't lie when you don't know the answer!!  We will do the same.  Communication is a two way street.   (Example - you got to choose how to tell family and friends about the birth of your children, we get to choose how and WHEN to tell people just the same.)
5. When we tell you what we can do, don't argue.  Our kids are our responsibility and with that, we will be making the decisions.  We will come to you for advice or wisdom if needed and please share any you think may be helpful.    (Example - if we say we can't do dishes by 9AM when you want them done, then do them yourself.  We have the right to make our own decisions and know our own abilities.)

My Boat

If you don't like the way I'm driving my boat, get off MY boat 😁

How do you handle disagreements regarding the rearing of your own children with friends and family?

Is there a nice way to say, "that may have worked for you but we will be making different choices for our kids and family unit?"

I'm at a loss with how to deal with the negativity and selfishness around this. In the past year we have had some VERY happy life events but each has been overshadowed by people trying to tell us what to do and how to do it. We have tried talking and that's not working. I just want a nice way to say, we like that you are involved but we get to decide how to raise our kids, what traditions to make, and what kind of influences our kids are around. I have an obligation as a parent to protect my kids from toxic relationships.

The Last 365 Days of the Grandstaff's

365 Days...that's all it was and man there were some very significant, life changing, moments that have happened.  There are the obvious, buying a house and having a baby, but there are the not so obvious that I haven't talked about since they happened.  As my body is trying to recover from the most recent bump in this roller coaster we call life, I have had a lot on my mind about the past year.  I know these trials have been for my good and my families, but oh my goodness I am happily looking forward to being able to go back to the mundane daily routine.  

Okay, enough of the vague look down memory lane.  Here's a personal look at this chapter of our Book of Life. I have debated how to write this and what I should write about and I think I finally got my answer.  Every year since Dave and I got married we have written a little summary of what our past year has held, this year that didn't happen.  It ended up being 8 lines long, apparently I wasn't quite ready to reflect. 

This was how 2016 was for Dave, Jessica, Tatum, & Oakley. . . 

Dave worked hard as an Estimator (I'm still trying to decide if an office job was the less stressful position I was hoping for). :)  He trained for the Spartan Race and finished.  With a small baby and a 4 year old at home, we are glad he was able to have something to show for all his hard work.  That race looked tough.  We vacationed in Jackson and loved seeing Bar J Wranglers and all the wildlife. We also went hiking, ate square ice cream and chocolate tasting.  The last few months of the year are always spent hunting for the best Deer and Elk he can find.  Nothing yet, but plenty of "missed" opportunities so far. :)

Life was busy for Jessica this past year.  Pregnant for half the year and the sickest I remember ever being in my life.  The flu held nothing on the 9 months I went through to bring our baby here.  A lot of it started as being stress induced from living with family, finding out I was pregnant, and then buying a house but continuing on because pregnancy doesn't just last a couple months.  My first pregnancy, I LOVED it.  It was rough at the end but I felt great the majority of the time and could hold my breakfast down most days.  2nd time around I never got a break, but we're hoping that "Mommy Amnesia" kicks in again so I can actually think about more kids without feeling sick again.  

In May, that beautiful bundle of joy came into our family. My mom's birthday will never be the same, since she now gets to share it with our beautiful baby Oakley.  We were soon thrown a curve ball and had to stand our ground and defend our family to those who sought to take away this celebration of life.  We are still dealing with a lot of emotional damage from that experience and a couple before that but hope to have that trauma put to rest soon so it will forever be remembered as a wonderful day (and year) that it was with a few minor stabs. 

2 Days before Baby Day!  This was the best I have ever looked at 39 weeks pregnant.  I weighed 4 pounds more than my
pre-pregnancy weight....I was pretty sick the whole time. 

 Lastly, finding Melanoma on my leg and having surgery to remove it.  Recovery was worse than the actual surgery with a 3.5 month old on my hip and a 4 year old to keep up with. I'm looking forward to the vacation I was promised while going through the surgery...ice cream just wasn't going to cut it. . . 

The least bloody picture.  :) I have better (and more) pictures but I'll save you the nightmares. 

Tatum started Preschool and loves it! She is learning so much and loves having friends to talk to.   She was a wonderful helper both before and after her little Sister came. She is so excited for Oakley to be old enough to play dolls with her.  She is the best at getting her sister to laugh or smile. She finally got her swing set that Daddy promised her once she was potty trained. She loves going on adventures and making everything fun.  She had her first unscheduled doctor/Instacare visit in her life when she was so sick and had a scary cough.  She has been quite the trooper and really big helper through all of this mom's health changes.  She is an awesome hiker and went farther than mom and Oakley could go.  We love seeing her grow and all the new fun memories we get to make with her.  

Oakley gave us new parenting skills which started right after she joined us.  What to do with a smaller baby the size of an actual newborn, low circulation, how to keep her body warm (thank you beanies, socks, and fuzzy blankies), breastfeeding fun, and crying from tons of gas.  Every day she is learning something new and showing us how fast she is growing.  She is such a ray of sunshine on the rough days!  We love having her in our family!

#FamiliesAreForever #Grandstaff2016

What I'm looking forward to this summer

This summer.... I am looking forward to so many things. As I am within a few weeks of Baby Girl #2's debut, I am reminded of the last 9 months and what I want to do this summer (once recovered - let's not get too crazy).

The last 9 months, I have been growing a baby, moved and put together a home, and tried to adjust to a body that can't quite decide which hormones it wants to deal with. With the morning sickness, heartburn, weight loss, paranoia, anxiety, stress ulcer and giant basketball limiting nearly everything I can do on my own. I am excited to start this next chapter with this baby in my arms and keeping me up at night and being able to eat ice cream and cookies without knowing I'll be paying for it soon.

I'm excited to be able to say yes to invitations from others without worrying about cancelling last minute due to not being able to keep my meals down.

I'm excited to do DIY projects....by myself. Throwing out my back while lifting a small shelf was a wake up call. Dave should be happy to get a break with this. He's been such a great handyman!

I'm excited to be able to do fun things with my oh-so VERY helpful little girl! I am sick of saying "mommy can't do that right now, but let's wait for daddy". Simple things like going on a walk, making cookies, or playing on the floor. It has absolutely broken my heart to not be able to play with her like I have for the past 3 years. Thanks to our many family and friends who have stepped into help, I'm sure the mommy guilt would be a lot worse if not for all the help! I am so excited to tell her "yes" again, or at least "let me bring baby with and I would love to."

I'm mostly excited for the fun family adventures ahead. Hopefully one being the swing set in our backyard, but even more taking our little family to the beach and playing in the water. Ahhh to feel the warm sand in our toes and swimming through the waves. Hiking in the mountains to get out of the too hot sun. Every day I look forward to playing with my kids and my husband. It's definitely the little thing I look forward to doing without the physical body limits.

Yes, I am excited for the future and for my hormones to go back to normal "Mama Bear" size, I am a little too mushy and sometimes angry for my liking. Boohoo for less than 3 weeks til I get to see my baby and start recovering!!!!!

Making a House our Home

As part of moving into a new house, we have found plenty of projects we would like to and have had to do to this house to make it our home.  Before we even closed on this house, we had a list of projects we wanted to move forward with.  Some immediately and some would be farther in the future.  A lot had to be moved to the "farther in the future" list due to finding out I was pregnant a month before we moved.  A few of the immediate ones were: new carpet upstairs, new doorbell, sealing the garage man door, and cleaning the furnace that was overheating. After three months of living in our new house - my morning sickness is under control finally & Dave's hunting/football season has ended - we were finally able to get to one of the more fun projects.....

We stained/painted our kitchen cabinets black.  Although the pictures don't even do it justice, it totally changed the whole mood in our house.  Our next big projects will be redoing the tile, walls, and counter tops to match. Those all seemed to be on the more expensive side, so we started small and I LOVE the way they turned out.

Before

After

After

I'm sure the 10 years ago Jessica would laugh at the things I find fun now.  Being a mom, wife, and homeowner sure has changed what I do for fun now-a-days.  :)  I love it all!

Stay tuned for the next big project... whatever it may be.